I lay each night holding the rope inside my mind using darkness to push it aside it is but one that ties me to life it is but one that gives me the why but still I feel the fibers of the rope as it twists in my mind I feel the coarseness against my throat the tightening of my windpipe being closed I feel the release and the letting go but then I see the eyes of the one I will leave alone so I fall asleep, I get up and I just go