Do you miss dyke bars? How about butch dykes? Do you miss the cocky charisma of that big-boned, busty superhero who fixed your toilet and made you perfect eggs the morning after the hottest sex of your life? Follow our hero through mullets and mohawks, way too many girlfriends, and lifelong aesthetic conflict with her mother as she bravely assembles the skillset and martyr complex essential to classic butch identity. After being badly damaged by the hairstyles and politics of the '80s, finely honed by the debaucherous glory of the '90s in San Francisco, then failing adulthood in Minneapolis, she finally draws on her latent superpowers to open one last dyke bar to steer the course of queer history away from assimilation back to before music sucked. The crushing loss of this enchanted disco-ball dream leads our hero to Harvard. It is there, in this final attempt to prove something to her mother, beset by the dominant paradigm, that our butch trades menopause for puberty. After living forty years in an underdog training montage, our butch legend starts taking testosterone. He is now a loving husband with a beard, a dad bod, and unfinished house projects. Is it okay to be happy if you failed at changing the world?