Some families hand down heirlooms. Others hand down emotional baggage, conspiracy theories, and passive-aggressive casserole recipes. From the Drama Queen who turns dry chicken into a tragedy, to the Moocher who treats your fridge like an all-you-can-eat buffet, to the Drunk Uncle who thinks karaoke is a spiritual calling—this book is your field guide to surviving the people you can't escape. Inside you'll find coping strategies, outrageous anecdotes, and parody "survival tools" designed to get you through reunions, holidays, weddings, and every group chat that should have been an email. You'll learn how to outwit the One-Upper, endure the In-Law Olympics, and keep your sanity intact when your Conspiracy Cousin pulls out a laminated chart during dinner. Friends, Family, and Other Fck Ups* doesn't promise to fix your relatives. It promises to help you laugh at them—loudly, unapologetically, and preferably with a full glass of wine in hand. Perfect as a gag gift, holiday stress relief, or proof that your family isn't the only circus in town, this is the dysfunctional survival manual you didn't know you needed. Because therapy is expensive—and wine only goes so far.