It’s four days out from Christmas, and Harvey, a dick in public and private, is happily spending his workday drinking, listening to jazz, and reading a trashy western. That is, until a Viking-sized aristocrat arrives with a fat envelope of cash and a forlorn plea to track down his missing granddaughter. Harvey should really have told him to piss off. Instead, he finds himself standing over his partner lying in a pool of blood—sans his heart, caught up in occult robbery turned multiple homicide, and worse still—invited to spend Christmas with the girlfriend’s family. And then, just to really cap things off, he loses the Antichrist. Now everyone wants a piece of him—the cops, a cacophony of cults, and a psychic who thinks she knows Harvey’s deep, dark secret. Trouble is, she might be right. Can a man with more sins than sense save a little girl before Christmas dinner descends into full-blown apocalypse? Dark, funny, and gloriously bloody— We Are All Monsters is what happens when The Maltese Falcon wakes up with a hangover in The Omen and decides to just keep drinking.